Coping with advanced melanoma skin cancer

Melanoma skin cancer is advanced if it has spread to other parts of the body. Or if it has come back after treatment. Where the cancer has spread to is called a secondary cancer or metastasis. Sometimes melanoma is advanced when it is first diagnosed.

Lots of information and support is available to you, your family and friends. Some people find it helpful to find out more about their cancer and the treatments they might have. Many people find that knowing more about their situation can make it easier to cope.

How you might feel

Finding out you have advanced melanoma can be a shock. It’s common to feel uncertain and anxious. It's normal to not be able to think about anything else.

Treatment may be able to shrink the melanoma or stop it growing. You will need to talk to your specialist to understand:

• what your diagnosis means
• what’s likely to happen
• what treatments are available
• how treatment can help you

Even if the melanoma is advanced, it might be months or sometimes years before your doctor can no longer control it.

Talking about advanced melanoma skin cancer

You might find it helpful to talk to other people about how you are feeling.

Specialist nurses

Specialist nurses can help if you’re finding it difficult to cope or if you have any problems. They can get you the help you need. They can also give you information.

Family and friends

You might find it helpful to talk to your family and friends about the cancer. But some people are scared of the emotions this could bring up and won’t want to talk. They might worry that you won't be able to cope with your situation or be afraid they will say the wrong thing

It can strain relationships if your family or friends don't want to talk. But talking can help increase trust and support between you.

Help your family and friends by letting them know if you would like to talk about what’s happening and how you feel.

Talking with a counsellor

If you find it easier to talk to someone other than your friends and family, you may prefer to speak to a counsellor.

Spiritual support

Some people find great comfort in religion. You might find it helpful to talk to:

• a local minister
• a hospital chaplain
• a religious leader of your faith

Cancer Chat

Chat to other people affected by cancer in our online forum. Our friendly team of moderators and nurses are also on hand to support you.

Physical changes

Advanced melanoma skin cancer is likely to cause changes inside your body that affect you physically. The symptoms you can get depends on where the cancer has spread to. They might include:

• feeling very tired (fatigue) and lacking energy a lot of the time
• weight loss
• pain
• feeling short of breath or having trouble breathing

Coping with everyday life

If you have physical difficulties that make it hard to cope at home, your specialist nurse or a district nurse can talk to you about what may help you.

It is also important that you feel as well as you possibly can. Tell your doctor or nurse if you have any symptoms. They can help you get the treatment you need to relieve them.

Coping financially

You might have extra expenses due to the cancer. Your specialist nurse or GP can help you get grants for heating costs, holidays or household expenses related to your illness.

Ask to see a social worker. They can let you know which benefits or grants you can claim and help with the claiming process.  

Support at home for you and your family

You can get emotional and practical support through your hospital, local hospice and GP practice. You can also get help from charities and support groups.

GP

Your GP manages your healthcare when you are at home. They can help with any medical problems that come up. They can also make referrals to a community service for you. The availability of the different community services may vary, depending on where you live.

Community or district nurses

These nurses work in different places in your local area and may visit you in your home. They can:

• give medicines or injections

• check temperature, blood pressure and breathing

• clean and dress wounds

• monitor or set up drips

• give emotional support

• teach basic caring skills to family members where needed

• get special equipment such as hospital beds, special mattresses, commodes or bed pans

Community services vary from area to area. Your hospital specialist nurse can tell you what is locally available to you.

Community specialist palliative care nurses

Community specialist palliative care nurses include Macmillan nurses and hospice nurses. They specialise in symptom management such as pain control, sickness, and other cancer symptoms. They also give emotional support to you and your carers.

Marie Curie nurses

Marie Curie nurses give nursing care to people with advanced cancer in their own homes. They can visit during the day or spend the night in your home to give your carers a break.

Social workers

Social workers can help to support you with your situation at home. They can arrange:

• home helps to help with shopping or housework
• home care assistants for washing and dressing
• meals on wheels
• respite care

Your social worker can also help with money matters by checking you get all the benefits you are entitled to. Or they can advise you about charity grants for things like extra heating costs or special diets.

Contact a social worker yourself by getting in touch with your local social services office. Or ask your hospital nurse or your GP to refer you.

Local support services

There is usually other help available but services can vary from place to place.

Sometimes local voluntary groups offer sitting services. Someone comes to stay with you while your relative goes out.

Good neighbour schemes offer befriending or practical help with shopping or transport.

Local cancer support groups often offer practical help. And they are a good source of information about services in your area. Ask your doctor or nurse about local groups.

Questions you might find difficult to ask

Planning

Thinking about your priorities and planning what you want to do can help you to feel more in control. You might want to talk about how you want to spend your time and what is and isn’t important to you.

Some of your future plans might no longer be realistic. But you might get round to doing something you always wanted to do but weren’t able to make time for.

You can talk to your doctor about managing your treatment around your plans. Or if you can have your treatment at the same time. Your specialist nurse will be able to support you and help you arrange this.

Towards the end of life

It’s natural to want to find out what is likely to happen in the last few weeks or days of life.

You might need to choose where you want to be looked after and who you want to care for you.