Coping
There are things you can do and people who can help you to cope with a diagnosis of bone cancer.
This page is about cancer that starts in your bone (primary bone cancer).
If your cancer has spread into bone from another part of the body, it is called secondary or metastatic bone cancer.
Your feelings
You might have a number of different feelings when you're told you have cancer.
You may feel a range of powerful emotions at first such as feeling shocked, upset and find it difficult to take in anything else that is being said to you. Other emotions include feeling:
- numb
- frightened and uncertain
- confused
- angry and resentful
- guilty
- sad
You may have some or all of these feelings. Or you might feel totally different. You may feel them a few at a time or altogether, leaving you feeling exhausted.
Everyone reacts in their own way. Sometimes it's hard to take in the fact that you have cancer at all. You need to do what’s right for you to help you cope.
Your surgeon will try to save your limb where appropriate (limb salvage procedure). But there are some people who will require amputation. The loss of a limb can be very difficult to cope with. Some people have emotions of grief and bereavement. It is important to remember that coming to terms with your feelings about having an amputation may need as much attention as the practical changes.
Helping yourself
You may be more able to cope and make decisions if you have information about your type of cancer and its treatment. Information helps you to know what to expect.
Taking in information can be difficult, especially when you have just been diagnosed or given sad news about your outlook. Make a list of questions before you see your doctor. Take someone with you to remind you what you want to ask. They can also help you to remember the information that was given. Getting a lot of new information can feel overwhelming.
Ask your doctors and nurse specialists to explain things again if you need them to.
You might feel that you don’t want to know much information straight away. Tell your doctor or nurse. You will always be able to ask for more information when you feel ready.
Remember that you don’t have to sort everything out at once. It might take some time to deal with each issue. Ask for help if you need it.
You can also do practical things such as:
- making lists to help you
- having a calendar with all appointments
- having goals
- planning enjoyable things around weeks that might be emotionally difficult for you
Talking to other people
Talking to your friends and relatives about your cancer can help and support you. But some people are scared of the emotions this could bring up and won’t want to talk. They might worry that you won't be able to cope with your situation or be afraid they will say the wrong thing.
It can strain relationships if your family or friends don't want to talk. But talking can help increase trust and support between you and them.
Help your family and friends by letting them know if you would like to talk about what’s happening and how you feel.
You might find it easier to talk to someone other than your own friends and family. We have cancer information nurses you can call on freephone 0808 800 4040, from 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday.
Or you may prefer to see a counsellor.
Relationships and sex
The physical and emotional changes you have might affect your relationships and sex life. There are things that you can do to manage this.
Coping practically
You and your family might need to cope with practical things including:
- money matters
- financial support, such as benefits, sick pay and grants
- work issues
- childcare
- Blue Badge applications
- help with travel costs
- changes to your house
Talk to your doctor or specialist nurse to find out who can help. You might be able to get some benefits for yourself and the person caring for you. You might also be able to get grants for heating costs, holidays and other household expenses related to your illness.
Getting help early with these things can mean that they don’t become a big issue later. It may be helpful to see a social worker. Many hospital cancer departments have a social worker available for patients.
Coping with school, college or work
Talking about cancer
You may be worried about telling everyone at school or college. Of course, who you tell and how much you tell them is up to you. But you will almost certainly find that everyone is very supportive and willing to help in any way they can. If the thought of telling everyone is too much for you, a teacher or tutor you trust can tell the class for you. Then when you come back you won’t have to go over what has happened to you again and again.
Coursework and exams
Colleges and even exam boards are generally very helpful when students have health related problems. Talk to your teacher or personal tutor as soon as you can. They will be able to suggest ways that you can try to keep up. Or it may be more sensible to take a year out. Your place will be kept for you until the following year.
Your clinical nurse specialist can also write a supporting letter. The letter can explain the circumstances surrounding your diagnosis and treatment.
If you are unwell when taking exams, your teacher or tutor can let the exam board know and make allowances for this. You should have the option of delaying taking your exams until you are well enough. That may be the better option, rather than struggling through and not doing as well as you think you should.
Work
Treatment for bone cancer may mean that you are not able to work for a few months or a year or so.
